One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself was to start therapy. My entire life has basically consisted of crippling anxiety and soul-crushing depression. But hey, that’s the life of a creative person, right? I know we’ve all been there. Some of my best and deepest writing has come from a place of absolute darkness.
But then I started therapy, and found myself being forced to face the darkest corners of my own mind. To trudge up all the filth that I have suppressed and shoved down and pretended like it never existed. And suddenly the little muse inside of me had an utter breakdown. Abort, abort, abort. Why are you taking away our source of creativity?
Oh yes, in my mind, I began to worry that if I was no longer a tortured husk of a human, how was I ever going to produce good art? Isn’t the best art created through suffering? Look at every creative soul throughout history. Weren’t they all miserable, penniless sad sacks of people? Yes, the majority of them were. But the thing is, just because you are happy doesn’t mean you can’t create, right? Just because I am choosing to no longer live in the darkness doesn’t mean I can’t create. In fact, being happy has shown me a new side of my art and craft that I’ve never seen before. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not all the way there yet. I still have a very long journey ahead of me as far as healing goes, but silencing the voice inside of me that is addicted to the pain and sadness has proven to me that I am still capable of creating good art.
Not everything has to be tragic. I haven’t even updated this blog in two years because I was fighting a battle with my own mind, my own existence. I was constantly telling myself I wasn’t good enough and that there was no point in even trying because I was destined to fail at anything I tried. Well, guess what! Standing up to that voice, with the help of my therapist, has shown me just how powerful my joy can be. Creative souls don’t need to suffer. There’s enough darkness in this world anyways. Think of how many other creative souls had wonderful ideas in their heads but never got published because their depression or anxiety held them back.
Those who reach success are the ones that believe they can. There’s no room for self-abuse in the life and mind of a creator. Because you’ll just tear yourself down and sabotage your dreams. So if you, like me, are one of those souls that self-sabotage, the first step to achieving your goals is to believe that you can. If you don’t believe in yourself, then why should anyone else? This is a reminder to myself as well. Self pity is the antithesis of productivity.