You spent hours doing your hair and makeup, you slipped into an outfit that makes you feel bangin’, you look yourself over in the mirror and give yourself a kiss and a wink, and then you head out the door to start your day. Things are looking good, the sun is shining, you’re feeling hot as hell, and then you spot her. Maybe she’s walking down the other side of the street from you, or maybe she’s buying the coffee in front of you in line at the Dunkin Donuts. Wherever you are, it inevitably happens to us all. You see someone rocking their look and immediately compare ourselves to them.
She’s cuter than me. Her hair isn’t frizzy like mine is. That lipstick matches her skin tone perfectly. Is mine too bright? I wish I had thighs like that. She looks like she could crush a man’s head like a grape with those things. If only I was that skinny. If only my smile was that gorgeous. If only I had her confidence.
You think about it for the rest of your day, or more accurately, you’re not thinking about her, you’re thinking about yourself and how you look like you’ve just wandered out of the dumpster. The same outfit you blew kisses to earlier that morning. The same hair you put in the effort to make just the way you like it. Suddenly these things don’t seem like they were worth anything at all, because there’s someone out there that looks better than you. It deflates your entire posture, your eyes lose that sparkle, you only give half smiles for the rest of the day.
Guess what? Everyone around you noticed the change.
Often times, the reason someone is attractive is not because of how they dress or the makeup they wear, or whether or not they can totally rock that pair of heels. The true reason why someone is attractive is their self-confidence and inner spark. You had it too, until you saw her and lost your groove. But this happens to us all at some point, right? Who hasn’t compared themselves to others? It’s only human nature; the nature of competition. But truly (if you haven’t figured this out yet, then get ready for a radical awakening), it doesn’t have to be a competition!
Yes, that’s right. That girl you saw is gorgeous! She is rocking her look! But that doesn’t mean that you can’t rock yours too. Jealousy is a human condition that we all feel at some point, but instead of creating a negative emotion out of that, why don’t we try to turn that into a positive?
You like the way she looked? Give her a compliment! Tell her you love her shoes that she is clearly rocking. Tell her you like her hair, because you know she spent hours on that this morning. And don’t let the comparison to her diminish your own light. Just because she looks good doesn’t mean you aren’t as gorgeous. No two people look the same in the whole wide world (unless you have a twin. In that case, you are both fabulous). We must learn that appreciating someone else’s appearance doesn’t mean that we have to disparage our own.
I know I sometimes fall into this trap of shallowness, and that’s all it is, is shallowness. You are judging a person based on their appearance. We all do it! But why do we do it? When we see someone prettier or more put together than us, sometimes we turn that positive thing inwards and make it a negative. We do this because we are insecure about ourselves. Because maybe you tried really hard to do something different, maybe you did your makeup differently or tried out a new outfit that you weren’t too sure about, and that makes us vulnerable, because no matter how enlightened and awakened we are, part of us will always just want to be accepted by others.
But what if that girl is just like you? Maybe she’s feeling just as insecure inside.
Being comfortable in your own skin is something that takes time to master. Keep giving yourself positive affirmations. Keep giving kissy faces and winks to your reflection. Work out and eat healthy foods. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be the best version of yourself you can be, because there’s not another one of you in the whole entire world (again, unless you are a twin, in which case, party on Garth). We are each uniquely beautiful, and if you find your inner confidence you will be radiant!
Have a wonderful day, beautiful human!