On Moving On…


I don’t remember much of last winter. I was too buried in grief colder than any squall. The sharp bite of bitter wind was a welcome distraction from the sickness of my heart.

I put all the things he gave me in the back of my closet, not brave enough to throw them in the trash but not bold enough to keep them around either. Like all bad memories, I hoped they would just fade away.

I found things enough to keep me busy during the days, but the nights were filled with inescapable loops of all the things I could have done better. Of all the things I might have done wrong.

I don’t remember the first day after January 7th that I didn’t see his face every time I closed my eyes, but it must have come. Yes, it must have. Because the sick sinking feeling in my chest now feels like a faded picture.

I grasped for anything that might save me. Desperately, I entered entropy and let the world devour me with new experiences. And yet only within myself did I finally find healing.

For a late blooming flower, I found that each bruise he gave me wilted my tender petals. But those scars will grow a stronger bud come spring. Every beautiful rose wonts to be plucked. And every summer they bloom again.

Moving on is all about compartmentalizing. The pain never goes away. You just box it up and bury it somewhere in your mind and try to think of better things to come.

Wishing stops working after a while, when you realize that people don’t work like shooting stars. They don’t fall on command, and they have pasts that they can never outrun.

I walked into something karmic, and fuck that’s unfortunate, because you were the start of my journey, and I was only a distraction from yours.

Sometimes I remember the way he rolled his eyes while I drove us home one December night, and in that moment I knew there was no saving this. And it took all my strength of will not to burst into tears as we ate our blue cheese burgers while we tried to think of something, anything to talk about.

Here’s some prose from last winter, about my broken heart and learning to move on after that.

Bad things happen in life, but we shouldn’t view those as negatives. We learn much more from pain than we do from success. And sometimes a broken heart is just what we need in order to transform our lives into everything we’ve ever dreamed of. So thank those who have taught you the tough lessons, and pray that they someday find the healing they need as well. Forgive them, and find peace.

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Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!



My Guide to Being Classy

Manners maketh woman. Everyone has their own interpretation of what “classy” is, just as everyone generally has a pretty good idea of what “rude” is. Through my life I have cultivated a hefty mental list of do’s and don’t’s which have helped formulate my view of how to be classy. Is classy related to social standing? No. Is classy being able to afford designer brands and caviar? No. To me, being classy is a mindset. A mindset of elegance, poise, and value. You could be the richest person in the world and be completely classless. And while not everyone is perfect, perhaps you might be able to adopt one or two of these habits to incorporate into your own hefty mental list of do’s and don’t’s.

  • Be well-read
  • Stay up to date on current events
  • Say please, thank you, and excuse me
  • Stop saying sorry
  • Say hello to everyone you work with
  • Don’t overshare
  • Sit up straight
  • Don’t gossip
  • Be respectful of those around you
  • Always bring a housewarming gift to a new place

This was a short post today, but I feel like these points don’t need too much explanation. What makes you feel classy? Leave your comments down below!

Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!

Gift Guide For When You Have No Idea What To Buy Them

Gifts are great! Gifts are even better when you know what to get someone, when you have that really specific thing that you just know they are going to love. But what happens when you have no damn idea what to buy them? You could get them a candle. Or some…shower gel or something else that is weirdly intimate. WASH YOUR BODY WITH THIS, YOU WILL SMELL LIKE ORANGES. YES I AM YOUR COWORKER. YES I WILL BE SNIFFING YOU TO SEE IF YOU USED MY GIFT. Or you can keep reading and discover a few gift ideas that you may not have considered.

  1. Flowers/plants/seeds
    1. This is something that isn’t going to sit around the house collecting dust. Gardening is a hobby that, if the gift-ee is already well accustomed to, will bring them a new thrill being able to plant and grow a new addition to their garden, and if the gift-ee has never tried gardening before, this present is a wonderful gateway into a new hobby. So you get the thrill of starting a new hobby, and also the excitement of planting something organic that is good for the environment!
  2. honey
    1. Honey is a great gift to give, especially if you are able to find some local or small business to purchase your delicious honey from. Not only are you supporting local bee keepers, but you also get to indulge in one of the sweets that nature provides. And the good thing about his? After it’s enjoyed, it doesn’t linger. You can repurpose the container (to perhaps start growing your new garden, mentioned above!) or recycle it!
  3. tea
    1. What goes beautifully with honey? A good tea! Again, it would be super cool to be able to find a small business to buy from, but one of my favorite teas is Twinings of the UK. (Cool fact, my mom met Mr. Twinings at Epcot and asked him “so have you been in business long?” And his very British response was “oh yes, for nearly the last three hundred years”). If you are a fan of the zodiac, you can find teas to correspond to your gift-ees astrological sign, each blended beautiful to fit the sign.
  4. handmade crafts
    1. Do you knit in your free time? Cross stitch? Make pottery? The time and effort put into a handmade craft gift are always appreciated by your loved ones. What would the holidays be without being forced to wear around Aunt Kathy’s first attempt at a sweater? Sure, it’s two sizes two small and has holes in the armpits, but she really really tried. And in a way, it’s kind of cute, and definitely warm. A little scratchy, but…you get the idea. It’s the thought that matters, and handmade crafts are always high up on the list of thoughtful.
  5. libations
    1. Stumped as to what to get someone? Really truly stumped? Are they recovering addicts? No? Sometimes, the best choice for a non-material present is a good bottle of wine. Don’t know much about wine? That’s ok! Just buy one with a cool label. These days there are all sorts of cool indie labels. You are sure to be able to find one to fit everyone you care about. Wine is also one of those things that, once it’s used, it’s gone. It doesn’t take up space. And if they are recovering addictions? Get them the ingredients for a virgin cocktail. Or a fun mix for hot chocolate. The possibilities are endless.
  6. charcuterie essentials
    1. This is one of my favorites, because I like food. I like salty food. I like food you can eat with a good bottle of wine. Enter, the charcuterie tray. You can easily piece together the essentials based on your gift-ees preferred tastes. Vegetarian? A fine hummus and some pretzel chips, along with some jarred olives and jams would do nicely. Carnivorous? Spicy pepperoni and a good salty cheese will go nicely with some jarred olives and jams too. You can eat this gift together with them. How delightful! And again, when it’s thoroughly enjoyed, it’s gone. No remnants of materialism that never gets used or appreciated. (You can even get really fancy and throw in some figs, dates, nuts, or anything else you can think of! As long as it follows the traditional ease of the charcuterie spread)
  7. Baked goods
    1. I learned how to differentiate the spelling of dessert from desert by remembering that with dessert, you always want more of it, therefore there are two S’s. And that is very true! Everyone loves dessert! If you have a knack for baking, I’m sure your friends would love a good cupcake or brownie tray. Just don’t mistakenly give them your batch of “special” goodies. And hello, who doesn’t love Christmas cookies?
  8. a donation to their favorite organization
    1. This one is really cool. Do you know if they are passionate about a certain cause? Are they humanitarians at heart? Do they love animals or helping those in need? Why not talk to them and see what organizations or foundations they feel passionately about? Not only will it give you an opportunity to get to know them even better, but you can help support a cause they care about.
  9. favor vouchers
    1. I used to do this when I was a kid. I would give my mom “favor vouchers” that she could cash in at any time. Things in the packet could include back rubs, cleaning, chores, cooking dinner, making dessert, going grocery shopping, painting their nails, or hugs! With this gift idea, you can decorate the packet however you want, with bright colorful crayons, watercolor, “cut here” dotted lines so they can “cash them in”, and many other options!
  10. artwork or a story
    1. If you are a creative person, I’m sure your loved ones really appreciate the things you can create. Therefore, a perfect low cost gift could be something artistic. Whether you are a painter, a sculptor, a jewelry maker, or a writer, there are endless gift possibilities. I can say there would be nothing I would cherish more than receiving a story for the holidays. Especially if it was tailored to me, like “how I would be described in a book”. So really get creative with this! Give them something one of a kind that they will love just as much as they love you.
  11. An experience
    1. Some of the best things in life are experiences. Instead of getting someone a candle, why not take them to a workshop or class on rock climbing, or story telling, or painting. Take them to a museum, or spend the day at the library hunting through the stacks for new and interesting books to read, pack a lunch and go to a park to enjoy a beautiful day of sunshine and fresh air and freezing cold snow. Memories are much better than materialistic things that might have served to make them happy at one point but soon fall into disuse. Memories are things they can keep forever.
  12. Used books
    1. I like this idea because, yes a book is something that sticks around for a while, but it doesn’t have to be. After you finish a book, unless you really really liked it, you can give it back to the used book store where it came from for someone else to enjoy. And buying used not only supports local businesses, but it also discourages the continued production of materialism. I think there’s something really magical about reading a used book anyways. Especially really really old books that have sat on so many bookshelves before yours. It’s enough to get your imagination going! Not to mention that buying used is much cheaper, so you can buy more books for the same cost as a new one. Who wouldn’t love that?
  13. A blank journal
    1. As opposed to a journal that is already filled…obviously. A journal is great because they can use it for so many different things. No matter what type of person they are or what they are into, everyone can use a nice new journal. Unless of course they are a dragon and already have a hoard of unused notebooks. In which case, let’s not feed that terrible addiction. Cheers?

That’s all for todays post! Leave your comments down below if you have any other suggestions for gift ideas. Or, contrariwise, comment with something you really really hope you get this year for the holidays! Wishlist shares are always fun.

Take Care, and don’t forget to take your medications!

Things Become Okay



Things become okay. And by okay, I mean you will eventually reach a point where you can function on a normal human level, keep up with your work, and enjoy the weekends like any self respecting person.

Things might not be okay right now. I get it. I’ve been there. Things might not be okay right now, but they will be.

When I was younger, I always assumed depression and anxiety were just things I’d have
to live with. They were a part of who I was as much as my flesh and hair. Until I sought help to deal with my mental health, I was not okay. I was very not okay. Until I started therapy and anti depressants, I was not a normal functioning human being, I wasn’t keeping up with my work, and I didn’t enjoy any days, let alone the weekends.

It always felt like the world was on Hyper. Any Final Fantasy fans will know what I mean by that. It felt like things were moving too fast and there was no way I was ever going to keep up. Even if I had a good day where I got a few things done, the next day would come and everything would build up again faster than I could manage it. Eventually I began to think what’s the point? 

On the bad days, I knew I needed help.

But then the good days came, and I would think, well, things are okay, so maybe it was just a bad day. I feel okay, so it seems stupid to start therapy. I feel okay.

But I wasn’t okay.

Just the fact that I was having bad days meant I wasn’t okay. And by bad days I don’t just mean I had a bad hair day, stepped in dog shit, and got the shits from eating a bad burrito. No. Bad days during depression are more like bad weeks. Long stretches of time
where things stop having meaning. A home stops being a home and instead is deconstructed to four walls slapped with some white paint. Friends stop being friends and instead just become people who tolerate you a little more than other people. And in your mind, everything sort of melts together like crayons in the sun. Instead of having a timeline of the future before you, where you tackle things one at a time, the line gets all jumbled up and suddenly you’re worrying about things that are thirty years down the line and not even guarantees yet. Yes, even time loses its meaning.

But things will become okay.

There are people in the world who are there to help. There are coping mechanisms for anxiety. And there are medications that will finally silence that voice in your head that is a constant reminder that you are somehow, spectacularly and miserably different from everyone else. The truth is, you aren’t. You are a human being just like everyone else. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even if you feel that medications aren’t for you, there are ways to become okay. Find something that works for you. Reach out and ask for help, and things will become okay.

Take care, everyone, and don’t forget to take your medications.

Words Of Widsom | Rob Reiner |Fix Yourself


“Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect.”
Rob Reiner

Pittsburgh Light Up Night

Last Friday, November 16th kicked off the holiday season with Light Up Night sponsored by Comcast. The festivities began at 5:45 with the first lighting of one of the many trees around the city, and ended at 10:00 with a spectacular fireworks display over the river. 

We arrived around 7 and were not disappointed by the amount of energy and cheer in the air. PPG place was packed, as it always is, with couples and friends taking pictures in front of the largest Christmas tree. Surrounding the festive tree is an ice skating rink open to anyone who would like to skate, for a fee.

This year was our first time attending. If you are adverse to crowds, this event might be a bit overstimulating for you, but the experience is well worth it. Even if you don’t spend the whole night, it’s nice to go and experience the excitement. The only event I’ve seen in Pittsburgh that had more people would be the 4th of July.



My accomplice and partner in crime, Taurus, stood guard while I snapped some gorgeous shots of the city both downtown and on the North Shore across the river. I was a little apprehensive about bringing my expensive camera downtown, but Taurus dutifully stood guard and ensured my camera’s safety. It was a magical moment being able to watch the fireworks with Taurus. We walked until our feet hurt, and after the fireworks, decided to stop by Sheetz for some late night dinner. Over jests about how we could appreciate both fine dining like the Le Mont, but also enjoy gas station food, we closed out our wonderful night together.

If you’ve never been to Light Up Night, it is certainly an enjoyable experience. Especially if you go with someone special, whether that’s a partner, a group of friends, or your family. It’s fun for all ages and offers a wide variety of activities including live music, ice sculptors, carriage rides, and entertainers.


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