On Moving On…

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I don’t remember much of last winter. I was too buried in grief colder than any squall. The sharp bite of bitter wind was a welcome distraction from the sickness of my heart.

I put all the things he gave me in the back of my closet, not brave enough to throw them in the trash but not bold enough to keep them around either. Like all bad memories, I hoped they would just fade away.

I found things enough to keep me busy during the days, but the nights were filled with inescapable loops of all the things I could have done better. Of all the things I might have done wrong.

I don’t remember the first day after January 7th that I didn’t see his face every time I closed my eyes, but it must have come. Yes, it must have. Because the sick sinking feeling in my chest now feels like a faded picture.

I grasped for anything that might save me. Desperately, I entered entropy and let the world devour me with new experiences. And yet only within myself did I finally find healing.

For a late blooming flower, I found that each bruise he gave me wilted my tender petals. But those scars will grow a stronger bud come spring. Every beautiful rose wonts to be plucked. And every summer they bloom again.

Moving on is all about compartmentalizing. The pain never goes away. You just box it up and bury it somewhere in your mind and try to think of better things to come.

Wishing stops working after a while, when you realize that people don’t work like shooting stars. They don’t fall on command, and they have pasts that they can never outrun.

I walked into something karmic, and fuck that’s unfortunate, because you were the start of my journey, and I was only a distraction from yours.

Sometimes I remember the way he rolled his eyes while I drove us home one December night, and in that moment I knew there was no saving this. And it took all my strength of will not to burst into tears as we ate our blue cheese burgers while we tried to think of something, anything to talk about.


Here’s some prose from last winter, about my broken heart and learning to move on after that.

Bad things happen in life, but we shouldn’t view those as negatives. We learn much more from pain than we do from success. And sometimes a broken heart is just what we need in order to transform our lives into everything we’ve ever dreamed of. So thank those who have taught you the tough lessons, and pray that they someday find the healing they need as well. Forgive them, and find peace.

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Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!

Kat 

 

In Case You Missed It | 2018 Blog Post Recap

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As this year comes to a close, it is a perfect opportunity to look back at the progess we’ve all made and the things we have created. I have gone back through my blog and reread all of my posts. I am still in disbelief that I have been able to stick with it for so long! I’ve amassed over 62k words just in ten short months of blogging here at Antiquarius. Below is what I feel are some of my best posts. Some of the newer followers here may have missed some of these older posts.

Please give them a visit if they spark your interest!


The Benefits Of Daily Meditation

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I Am

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Loneliness In Adulthood

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Things Become Okay

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Productivity Tips

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Bullet Journaling For Beginners

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Forgive Yourself

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How To Make A Motivation Board

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If you have any posts you’d like to share from your own blog during the year of 2018, link them down below!

If you want to see more content from a twenty-something living her (moderately boring) life, be sure to follow or subscribe through email so that I can bug you at all hours of the day and night about stuff and things!

Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!

Sunday Pep Talk | Everyone Starts Somewhere

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To all the business start ups out there who may be feeling like their stuff can’t compete with the professionals, just remember that everyone started somewhere! I know it sounds so cliché, but if you believe in yourself and your dream, you can be just as good someday. Just make sure that you are taking steps to reach that Everest of yours, even if they are baby steps. Each day we learn something new about blogging, about entrepreneurship, about leadership, about working on our crafts. Think how far you’ve come already, and never forget why you started. You can do it! Keep going!

The Holiday Pocket

Is anyone else aware of this weird calendrical phenomenon?

The Holiday Pocket refers to the span of time between Thanksgiving and New Years. During this time of year, things feel like pure magic. Magic, and chaos. The egregore of the holidays can be seen in all the frantic shoppers and stolen moments of pleasure that cannot be attained at any other time of year. Whether that means having a cup of hot chocolate after a grueling day of retail work (spiked with a few shots, of course), or making a crafty gift for your family members, this time of year is truly magical.

Maybe it’s the way the string lights glow in the 5pm darkness and how cozy your feet feel in your favorite pair of fuzzy slippers. Or maybe it’s the moment where you watch someone you love opening a gift you spent so much time hunting for or creating. No matter what it is, it always feels different during this time.

The world is magical. And if you’re lucky, you even get to see some snow before Christmas or Yule! It snowed today where I live. It was the pretty kind of snow that didn’t stick to the roads, but coated everything in a glistening white. The snowflakes floated through the air; weightless.

And then the New Years ball drops, you go to bed, and wake up to the ordinary life. The spell breaks. You go back to your places of work, where the decorations have already been taken down, and you try to struggle through the rest of winter without getting too sad.

But for those few short weeks, everything feels elevated. Everyone shares in the joy of the holidays with parties, good food, visits to old friends, and presents. We each celebrate in our own way as the days grow shorter and the darkness grows longer. For those few short weeks, everything feels special. I love this time of year!

Nothing Is Okay

“I wish him a lifetime of safety and platitudes, a soundtrack of fluorescent lights humming. I do not wish him me, though. Never me again.”


Dry Cake Wishes and Tap Water Dreams

Rachel Wiley speaks to everyone who has ever been made to feel like they weren’t good enough in a past relationship. And she does it in the most comical and sarcastic way possible. She manages to capture the not-quite-hatred of her ex in an onslaught of mediocre wishes for him on his birthday. She doesn’t wish him death, destruction, and ruin. She doesn’t wish him pain or revenge. She wishes him fluorescent lights and tasteless oatmeal breakfasts, because his reason for ending things with her was because she was “too intense”. Therefore, the poem that follows is anything but intense. It’s savagely normal, and comfortingly comical. More importantly, it details the importance of letting things go, of moving on and holding no grudges against those who may have hurt us. Her poem is not an angry call to arms or a swearing off of all men. At the end of her poem, she speaks of finding someone else, someone better suited for her, and she wishes him the life that he wants too, albeit a painfully boring one.


Button Poetry

If you like this poem, you can purchase her poetry book, Nothing Is Okay from Button Poetry, a publisher of diverse poets who come from many different backgrounds. Button Poetry also hosts live readings, which help to capture the unique voices of these poets in breathtaking performances. Use the code “secondchance” for 25% off your order!

Top 5 Tuesday | Tropes I’m Over

As a reader, writer, or general consumer of fiction, there are just certain things that rub you the wrong way. Whether it’s a cliché that’s been done to death, or a trending fad that seems to be found everywhere, some tropes need to be buried. Let them rest in peace. Resurrect some new ideas and incorporate something fresh into your work. Below is a list of the things that I’m totally over.

Assassins

Especially female assassins. This seems to be hugely popular at the moment in fantasy novels especially. Like, yes, I understand that being an assassin is a career choice, but it’s pretty dark, don’t you think? And while one or two stories are awesome, I feel like assassin stories are everywhere recently. Focusing on a character that has been trained to kill, while really cool, is also a little depressing, and I’m just sort of over it. Maybe this just means that my reading tastes are changing as I get older and read more.

Whitewashed horror movies

I am so over the white people horror movies. Specifically, the trope of a white middle class family moving into a new house that ends up being haunted. There are literally so many other story lines that can end in being stuck in a haunted house. I’d really like to see some variety here. The horror movies are so white washed, and have been since their birth. The most refreshing thing was seeing that Sabrina’s best friend in the new series is a woman of color. Can we get more of that please? (Also, can I just say that the new Sabrina series hits all the points that need to be hit in the best way possible. I love it so much.)

The one inept guard

This is a perfectly boring and lazy trope to write. Your heroes need to do something sneaky and the only way to get this thing done is to outsmart the one inept guard who either has no idea about the heroes antics, or is unable to shoot straight or keep up with our heroes. Yes, it can be funny if used right, but it’s lazy writing! It’s a plot-saver when you can’t think of any other way for your heroes to get away with something. I’d rather read or watch something where the guard knows the heroes are up to something, but because he’s human and not getting paid enough, allows them to continue on without stopping them, or asks for a bribe to keep his mouth shut, or actually succeeds in thwarting their super sneaky plan and forcing them to think of another way to get the thing done. Literally anything would be better than assuming the guard doesn’t know how to do his job, or worse, sleeps the whole time. Have you, in real life, seen a single guard fall asleep on the job? I haven’t. The guards are usually super nice, super human, and definitely not getting paid enough to chase after some trouble-making heroes. In fact, the closest to perfect representation of “inept guards” was in one of the new Star Wars movies, when Kylo Ren is having a temper tantrum and the guards slowly back away and decide to take another route. That was pure writing genius.

Total hardass female characters

She can outdrink the boys, she can kick anyone’s ass, everyone seems to want her, and she looks damn good covered in car oil. The hardass female characters trope is something I’m totally over. Playing the “anything you can do, I can do better” game with the male characters is getting old. Women are strong and powerful, yes, but in other ways. I don’t want to see a female character written to be a man in all but the floppy appendage. I want to see a female character kick ass because she is female.

Dystopian futures

What a depressing image to have in your heads after reading a anything dystopian. It reminds me of the trend in the 80’s, which followed basically the exact same paradigm. The world gets destroyed in some way, the governments break down or are run by corrupt men, and it’s every man for himself. I think at this point in time we need a more positive message. I’m a little tired of always feeling sad after watching or reading dystopian future fictions. And I know that art imitates life and vice versa, so why don’t we try to shift that mindset? Why don’t we focus on creating uplifting art in the hopes that life will imitate and improve?


What are some of your least favorite tropes? Link me to your posts down below!

Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!

Gift Guide For Writers

Do you want to buy a holiday present for your writer loved ones? Look no further! Here’s a list of some really cool gifts that the writers in your life will love (and that’s coming from a writer. Yes, I have all of these in my wishlist or already own).



Stephen King’s On Writing

Quite literally the best resource any aspiring author and writer could have. Even if you aren’t a fan of Stephen King himself, this book is packed with information about how he succeeded at his craft. There is no fluff in here. Every section has useful tips and advice from someone who has been there and done that. He admits the journey to becoming an author wasn’t easy, but it was simple for him, because writing had been his dream since he was little. He talks about his setbacks, rejections, failures, and perseverance.

A Writing Beret

More of a joke than a serious present, but sometimes silly gifts come across as the best, and who knows…Your writer might find a fashionable use for a beret! It’s always said that to spot an author all you need to do is walk into the nearest café and look for the person wearing a beret, typing madly at their keyboard.

Vintage Library Necklace

Does your writer love books? Do they like showing off their book pride? This lovely vintage library necklace is a perfect piece to wear in order to show off their love and support of books and libraries!

Writer Emergency Kit

A fun idea, this Writer Emergency Kit has everything needed to break through that writer’s block and get your creative loved one back on track to writing their masterpiece.

Writer’s Market 2019

Every writer will tell you that the writing is the easy part. The hard part is getting it out there and becoming a published author. This Writer’s Market 2019 has all the information a writer will need in order to jump into the business end of marketing and selling their book.

A Candle For Writer’s Block

Who doesn’t love candles? Especially one that smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire?

5 pc. Typewriter Coaster Set

What’s better than writing? Writing with a delicious beverage at your side. Just be sure you don’t get any water rings on the counter top. That is mahogany.

Self Editing For Fiction Writers

Editing is the bane of any writer. This book will offer tips and tricks on how to make the process easier, or at the very least, a little more tolerable.

Do Not Disturb Writer’s Door Knob Hanger Sign

Hell hath no fury like a writer interrupted in the middle of a very important scene. A door knob hanger is just what a busy writer needs for some privacy while they work on their craft, or, you know…stare at their blank word document waiting for the muse to strike.

Poets & Writers Magazine Subscription

Filled with lots of information about authors and the business of writing, Poets & Writers Magazine subcription will motivate your writer to become more involved with the community and get out there and sell their books!

The Business Of Being A Writer

Another business end gift, this book offers valuable information about the tricky bits that follow the really fun creative process.

Wrist Brace

If your writer is anything like me, then typing away at their keyboard for hours has given them a terrible case of carpal tunnel, or at the very least, a good old wrist cramp. I bought myself a wrist brace after experiencing some painful wrist stuff, and it helped a lot. I was able to power through the rest of my writing with only minimal pain!


Have any other suggestions for what a writer would love to get as a gift? Leave them down below! Good luck in your hunt for the perfect gift for your little writer loved one.

Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications.